Thinking is easy

She was my best friend but I guess I have to accept the fact that she is no longer.

I called her my best friend because I was the realest with her and we got along like 2 peas in a pod. We told each other everything and anything. Everytime we hung out, we would laugh till our stomachs hurt. I even felt like a sister to her or maybe a long lost cousin. Time flew by and my life changed so much that somehow it also changed us. I wish I didn’t have to lose her, especially through this life changing point for me. Honestly it seems she’s no longer interested in my life. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to reach out to her or maybe I was too busy with my life. But I still called her my bestfriend even if she thought otherwise. However now, it seems I really lost her this time and it sucks real bad. The worst part is, she probably doesn’t even care for it. Just keep moving on . I’ll just have to be bestfriendless. Unfortunately I’ll have no bestfriend to spend time with anymore or have my son around. Life goes on.

Every day has been tiring for me but a blessing! Taking care of this little one is the best job in the world. I get to enjoy his baby talks and occasional smiles and laughs. Every night he would cry and I’d have to cradle him until he falls asleep. Some might think that’s spoiling him, but I call it TLC: Tender, loving, and care! He’s now 2 months old and talks so much! I’ve never seen a 2 month old baby that “talked” this much. I have a feeling he’ll be super rambunctious when he gets a little older. I can’t wait until he’s able to walk and finally sleep through the night. I mean, it gets extremely tiring to have to wake up every 2 hours to feed him and then often he doesn’t want to fall back asleep right away. But when I see his precious face looking at mine, it’s all worth it! Not to mention the breast pumping and cleaning of bottles and pump parts. Washing, rinsing, sterilizing, drying. Phewww! Imagine doing that at 3 in the morning.

I have yet to go to school or get a job because everything is focused on Jericho right now. Mama’s got a long way to go! But if I can do this, I can do anything. Besides, I miss learning new things. 

My social life has been put aside and I respect those who understand me and who are still there for me. A lot of friends have faded away, but that just shows how much of a “friend” they are. Some want me to go out with them, but you know I have a baby to prioritize now and it’s not like I want to avoid my friends. It’s hard, but I have to make sacrifices. I settled down at a young age, and these are the consequences. Yet the reward makes up for all of it—my beautiful son.

It was a plus when my boyfriend got a new higher paying job. But now everything has  changed. He comes home and the first thing he does is play his stupid computer game to “relax”. After that he refuses to shower even though he’s covered in dust from his work. So he separates himself from me and the baby and watches TV for hours. What kind of relationship is this? If I knew that job was going to damage what we had, I would’ve told him to turn it down. This shit ain’t right. Just because he’s working 8 hours with tools and lifting things doesn’t mean he should shut us out. He doesn’t even pick up our baby when he comes home. It’s sad and I don’t understand why he doesn’t realize this. I’m constantly doing things at home and extremely exhausted. The only breaks I ask for is for me to eat, shower, and nap—normal human needs. Most of the week there’s so much to do that I don’t even get to nap. I’m up all day and every other hour in the night. He gets to sleep early or whenever he wants to, come home in the afternoon and kick back. At least be with us instead of in the other room away from us. I’d rather be happy and poor than dreadful and rich. Today’s our baby’s 1 month mark and you can’t even hop in the shower so that you could cuddle with the two of us. You can’t even celebrate this day. Then you had the audacity to mention about clubbing this Friday? You think you’re doing so great because you’re working for us, but what’s the point of it if you’re not here with us.. 

April 2nd, 2012 @ 10:36 AM

My baby boy was born and he is just BEAUTIFUL! He’s perfect! Seeing him enter this world brought tears of joy. The feeling you get giving birth is incredible! Never mind the pain, the experience is beautiful. Creating a life and being there for him for the rest of his life is AMAZING. Holding him in my arms and seeing him in Daddy’s arms is priceless. I love him more than anything in the universe. His adorable looks makes it impossible not to stare at him. I’ve never in my life had anything so precious to my heart until he came along. He smiles everyday and sometimes I catch him laughing. His dad says that angels are playing with him. I mean, he’s an angel himself. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! I can’t get enough of him and I don’t care if he keeps me up all night, I’ll do anything for him. Jericho B. Guevara, we love you more than anything else and we’ll always be there for you. Baby babbbyyyyy it’s going to be a fun and beautiful journey!